God Is not Pleased with the Feminist

I'll tell y'all where it all started.  

It all started back in the caveman days.  Women were happy to stay around the cave all day.  They cleaned.  They cooked.  They raised the kids.  They followed the laws of nature like females of any species that hasn't gone extinct do. 

Men went out and brought the food home.  It was dangerous work taking down the big game while fending off rival tribes that wanted to steal everything, including the women and children back at the cave.  Countless men died feeding their families and protecting them from all sorts of danger.

The division of labor worked perfectly.  Families prospered.  Africa got crowded.  And we had to start populating the world outside of Africa where there was plenty more food and less tribal competition for it.  Following proper gender role responsibilities fostered the booming prosperity of early man.

Some men, usually the ones light in the feet, started staying home with the women.  The big game and rival tribes skeered them so they sought refuge in the cave.  The giant, womb-like security of a cave comforted them.  They justified their cowering in the Giant Womb by painting the cave walls with animals, stick figures, and other pictures.  

This early form of story telling was seen as a gift from the gods and the story teller needed to be protected.  Tribe members, all extended family members, recognized the importance of leaving their family legacy behind else they'd be forgotten.  The story tellers had important work to do and needed to be in the Big Womb during the day so they would have light to see what they were telling.

It didn't take long for the women wearing the flannel skins of leopards and tigers to say, "Hey, wait a minute!  If the storyteller doesn't need to go out and kill people and big game like a man is supposed to do, then women don't need to stay in the cave cleaning, cooking, and raising kids.  We want to kill!  Kill!  Kill!"

The first women libbers marched out with the men and not only killed people and big game, but more of them than any man could.  We know this through the legends of the mighty women warriors like Xena of Greek mythology or the Amazons of Brazil.

As women proved themselves on the battlefields as hunters and warriors, more and more men started staying at home while their wives picked up their spears and headed out for an honest day's work.  But the gender role reversals were in the smallest of minorities and most lived happily under the expectations of their gods.

As civilizations grew and the many gods became God, most people didn't upset the apple cart of gender role expectations.  The first women libbers won battles...and then awards...and then titles...and then prestigious titles...and then the many gods that became one God put a stop to the nonsense. 

God ordered all the first born sons to be killed.  Males had to be punished for allowing their women to stray from the righteous path and pretend to be men.  By all accounts, God waged a successful campaign.  The people were left dazed and confused, which later became immortalized in song by some great modern day philosophers. 

"Been dazed and confused for so long it's not true. Wanted a woman, never bargained for you.  Lots of people talk and few of them know.  Soul of a woman was created below!" they bellowed.

To please God, the politicians and high priests of the day ordered all the leopard and tiger skin wearing women off the battlefields and hunting grounds and were returned home in proper, delicate feminine attire of silk and mink.  All the story tellers, artists, and musicians were ordered out of the castles and sent back on the battle fields and hunting grounds, fully armed. 

And then darkness settled across the land.  After killing our first born sons as punishment for defying proper gender roles, God blinded us for over 300 years with darkness.  We wouldn't be tempted by the evil all around us and return to our evil ways if we couldn't see the evil.  

He would not take us out of The Dark Ages until He was certain we had learned our lesson of what it is to be a man (fight, kill, have sex) and to be a woman (clean, cook, nurture the young she was obligated to bear).

When the light returned, we were humbled, but restless.  We tempered our wild side the best we could before all the energy flowered into the Renaissance period. 

Men built great temples and cathedrals to honor God and politicians.  Men who didn't want to be men painted the ceilings.

Women raised a family of a dozen or so children she bore for her man.  Women who didn't want to be women disguised themselves as men or became queens of nations.

The balance wasn't perfect, but 99% of the people accepted their proper roles as man or woman, and all civilizations once again were prosperous.

Over the next few hundred years, though, that 1% who owned all the wealth and power whittled away at the gender roles.  Usually the changes came about because the man wanted his woman at home to stop nagging him.

"Ok.  You can go apply for that job."

It was easy to say because the man knew another man would never hire a woman.  What man wants to be nagged all day at work and all night at home?  Work was invented to get the man out of the house, a daily respite he needed.

Then the Industrial Revolution swept the land.  Corporate building were built.  Someone had to clean them.  Cleaning is women's work so women began entering the workplace.  CEOs needed an assistant to run errands for him.  More women's work and more job openings.

"Ok.  You can vote.  I'll tell you which name to put your X by."

And thus more small changes in the natural order of things began to pollute our society.  Women could vote, but there was no guarantee she would listen to her man and put the X next to the name she was told to mark.

These small baby steps went on until The Pill landed in every woman's hand a little over sixty years ago.  The Pill gave power over the man and reduced the man to little more than a personal ATM machine.

Women swallowed The Pill and took to the streets to release hundreds of years of pent up rage.  Estrogen flooded the streets in a tidal wave, empowering other women and drowning every man.

It's a little known fact, but it was a woman who noticed fields of soy going to waste as animal feed.  After playing around with radiation, Madame Curie's attention was drawn to the marvels of the soy bean.  She accidentally found that if she crushed soy beans into a milk-like paste, consumption of the substance helped ease her hot flashes and calm her hormonal swings. 

I know there used to
be something down
there.

By the 1960s, other scientists discovered soy bean held the potential for many uses.  They made soy sauce (originally made with wheat), milk (originally from a cow or goat), oil (originally from vegetables or coconut), and tofu (originally real food).  Women in the upper management of the food industry quickly realized they had a power over men far greater than The Pill.  If soy, the plant substance with estrogen-like qualities, could tame menstrual and menopausal complications, it could easily tame the beasts called males.

Soy replaced vegetable and coconut oils as those oils were deemed heart poisons.  Soy made its way into food stuffs as a gelatin-like substance that
bonded food, vitamin, and medicine pills.  Soy replaced cow's milk as the healthy alternative.  Go ahead.  Pick up just about any package and read the ingredients. 
Eight to one odds there's soy or soy product listed in there.

And get this.  The women felt ingesting the soy might not be enough.  They believed they could get the males to absorb the estrogen-like compounds through their skin.  Soy has made it's way into our hygiene and hair care products.  Soy is even printed on some food packaging labels.  Claiming to be safer than chemical dyes, soy ink may be what is written on that package of cup cakes (also made with soy oil) you just opened.  Your fingers absorb the plant estrogen in the ink quicker than a thirsty sponge.

After sixty years, were seeing the effects of women's efforts to emasculate the average male.  Make no mistake about it.  Emasculate doesn't mean a computer software version of a male.  The "e" in emasculate means the estrogen laden version of the male, which is a different kind of software.

After being pumped up with estrogen and derided as inept, bumbling boobies, men feebly try to fight back the female warriors in the streets poisoning them with soy.  Ever wonder why men of all ages, professions, and social status are tatted up and sporting beards?  

It's their cry, "I'm a man, dammit!"  

It's a cry that falls on deaf ears as the women cry louder, "Equal work!  Equal Pay!" and "I'm not your whore!  I'm a woman; hear me roar!"

God has sent us a warning sign that He is not pleased with us disregarding our roles he designed man and woman for.  In 2016, He gave us Trump.  He'll give us worse if we continue to ignore his warnings.  If that doesn't skeer you woman folk back into the kitchen and get soy banned as an illegal hazardous poison, then there's no hope for our country.  

The beards will stop growing, tats will fade, and teacup sized breasts will be the new image for the average male.  But at least in the end we'll all be truly equal.


Posted by

Mattie Falshe: Up and coming town brayer of the conservative world.