One Drunk Redneck

My opponent, Zantac, and a lot of his supporters have been making fun of me 'cause I said there are too many trees and we don't need to be spending millions of dollars to plant more trees.  I stand by my statement. "Go green" is a convenient slogan.  It tells the voter they are fixing the environment and fixing global warming.  No one is against the environment or fixing global warming...if that is even a thing.   Here's the thing.  Look at all our trees.  Georgia has the cleanest air in the world.  More trees won't make it cleaner. What a lot of people don't know is "go green" is code words for rich people to invest their money in tax saving schemes that make their bank accounts grow greener.   The sun is getting hotter.  No amount of going green is going to lower the sun's temperature.  But you can bet those rich people's bank accounts will get a lot greener over the feel good movement...and lie...that we are doing something ...

I'll tell y'all where it all started.   It all started back in the caveman days.  Women were happy to stay around the cave all day.  They cleaned.  They cooked.  They raised the kids.  They followed the laws of nature like females of any species that hasn't gone extinct do.  Men went out and brought the food home.  It was dangerous work taking down the big game while fending off rival tribes that wanted to steal everything, including the women and children back at the cave.  Countless men died feeding their families and protecting them from all sorts of danger. The division of labor worked perfectly.  Families prospered.  Africa got crowded.  And we had to start populating the world outside of Africa where there was plenty more food and less tribal competition for it.  Following proper gender role responsibilities fostered the booming prosperity of early man. Some men, usually the ones light in the fee...

Facts over fear.  I've said that ever since the first case of COVID-19 hit this country way back in January.  January 21st, I believe.  The mainstream media has instilled fear in the American people.  They have imprisoned the average citizen in the perceived safety of their homes.  What they don't tell you is you're more likely to get infected with COVID inside your home than you are on a grocery store visit.  This nonsense program of fear and misinformation needs to stop before the radical left turns this Great Nation into the United Socialist States of America.  We know that's the ultimate goal of the Democrats led by Pelistorki and others.  Tear this country down and transform it into one of those docile European socialist countries.  If we're all too scared to leave our homes, the transformation process is made quicker and easier. That's why I'm sponsoring a nationwide Beach Party.  True patriots need to stand up to the fear mongerin...

As COVID-19 liberally spreads itself into every nook and cranny of our world and our lives, we've had to learn new terms and put them to good use to slow the spread of the pandemic. "Social distancing." What the heck is that?  Being friends via Skype or something? No.  We learned it is the practice of maintaining a distance of six feet from each other to slow the spread of the coronavirus.   I did my part.  Early on I shut down all travel coming into the barnyard and zoo grounds.  I started social distancing long before those do-nothing chickens and sloths on the left learned what the word, pandemic, meant.  My actions saved thousands...maybe millions...of lives.  And me and my wife...we sleep in separate bedrooms.  She insisted on it during these trying times. But I can't stop the spread alone.  I need your help.  A month ago I directed my son-in-law to lead a task force exploring how social distancing could impact the spread ...

Bubba Joe Crowley Second House Past the Oak Tree Crowley's Bend, TN 38008 President Donald Trump The White House Washington, DC Dear Esteemed "The" Donald Trump: I'd be honored to join your administration to "Make America Great Again."   I be exactly what this country needs to git the job done.   It's goin to take more than cinderblocks and duck tape to make America great again, but I'm handy with both those tools and don't mind gittin my hands dirty.   I'm includin my resume for your consideration. I ain't got no Ivory League School qualifications you might be looking for, but what did those schools ever produce anyways?   Sure, they make a good soap that floats in the tub, but my Grandmaw's been makin floatin soap since before I was born.   It had to float.   If it didn't, it gits lost in the mud when you drop it.   My Great-Grandmaw invented floatin soap long before those Ivory League Schools did. ...

"The sky is falling! The sky is falling!" cried Donnie Grumplin. "There's drugs, criminals, and rapists streaming across our borders!" "Look!" Donnie Grumplin points out across the open border. "There's the caravan coming now! It's huuuuge! Look at the dust it's kicking up!" Donnie Grumplin makes one last desperate plea. "Build the wall now!" "Knock the crisis fabricated story off already, Donnie," challenged Nancy Pelistorki. "That's probably Miguel delivering my authentic Mexican burrito for dinner." "It's an inundation by the brown tide," retorted Annie Coiture. "Two years in and Grumplin has built zero miles of wall to stop the flood!" "We haven't built the wall because Pochantas won't give me the money," sneered Donnie Grumplin. "She's using my money to stuff her peace pipe." "That could be a caravan,...

Fifty-three years ago, Martin Luther King had a dream.  He had a dream everyone lived in harmony and were proud of their heritage.  This January twenty-first, I ask everyone, in Martin Luther King's honor, to stand up and boldly proclaim, "I am proud to be American" to show the world our unity as a nation. Every day, we have a "Proud To Be" day honoring some subset of Americans.  We have a Women's March; Black History Month; Gay Pride and its offshoot, LGBQT Day; St. Paddy's Day for the Irish; Cinco de Mayo for the Mexicans; and almost every city has their Italian, Ukranian, and Polish festivals. But nothing to honor Americans. Tomorrow, I will sign into law making the third Monday of January the federal holiday, Nationalist Pride Day.   This Monday, Americans need to stand up and shout to the world, "I'm American and I'm proud of it." There's nothing wrong with taking pride in your ethnic or racial background unless you use...

A great migration of the monarch butterflies out of Mexico is already underway.   By now they have or will soon reach the Mid Atlantic states as they continue their journey to Canada.   Their migration doesn't come without controversy.   Their story starts near the end of last year's generation of butterflies. An estimated 145 million  monarchs attempted to cross the border into America this year.   The immigration is down 27% from last year, but that's still a lot of illegal immigrants coming into our country.   Once the monarchs cross the border, they have sex, lay eggs, and die. Tragic. After a few weeks of the anchor baby generation munching on our milk weed, they pupate into adults and head north.  During their journey, they steal our nectar from our flowers and crops. No one has calculated how many of our native bumble bees go hungry because of their nectar theft, but there's no debate about the  disappearing American Bumble ...

I caught a lot of flack when I asked a similar question last summer, so I'll be more polite about it this time.   How many friggin' Jew asses are we supposed to kiss?   We got Grumplin handing the Jews in Jerusalem an embassy.   A couple of weeks later, he hands the Jews on Wall Street and the Jews in our investment banks a windfall tax break. How many f---ing Jews do these people think there are in the United States? While the Jews amass all sorts of presents from Grumplin, a brown stream of Mexicans run across our borders and there's no wall to stop them nor a gorge to herd them in to funnel them to the Gulf of California.   They bring with them their family values of drugs, crime, and murder that blankets our cities like diseased sludge from broken sewer lines. Grumplin is too busy kissing Jew ass and building Lego wall prototypes to care about the brown disease and the illegal Mexicans bringing their drugs and violence.   WHERE IS THAT WA...

You know the drill. Since grade school, we're taught the Pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock in the fall of 1620 after a more than two month journey across the open Atlantic.  More than half of the Pilgrims died making the trip and during the harsh, New England winter that greeted them. When planting season rolled around, the Indians taught the Pilgrims how to plant corn, where to fish, how to hunt beaver, and how to plant squash on mounds with a buried fish head underneath.  The way we were taught in school, the Pilgrims were weak and vulnerable, but fortunately the Indians rescued them by teaching them how to grow and hunt their food.  Pilgrims never hunted nor grew anything in their lives and the remaining Pilgrims who survived the winter probably wouldn't have survived until harvest time if it weren't for the Indians' help. Artist's rendition of the first Thanksgiving because there were no cameras back then. Thanks to the Indians, the Pilgrims grew a bounti...

Top secret plans for the Border Wall Despite what the fake news like CNN and NBC say, we are building that wall and Mexico will pay for it.  Mark my words. Right now, as we speak, top engineers on my staff are working on a prototype.  You can't just build a wall today!  Democrats have obstructed and handicapped our once vibrant construction economy with burdensome regulations.  Safety concerns.  Environmental concerns.  OSHA regulations.  Labor laws.  To comply you have to build a prototype first.  Ridiculous! I'm working on untangling the regulatory mess, but in the meantime, I have my top people building the prerequisite prototype.   It's coming along beautifully.  It'll be the most colorful wall ever built.  Pleasing to the eye while keeping Americans safe. At first, I was going to mandate that only American made blocks and concrete be used in the construction of the wall.  Ever since our wonderful law e...

It's been a bad month for decrepit old perverts and fat old perverts.  First, the infamous Hugh Hefner, pimp extraordinaire died.  A month later, a famous Hollywood producer, Harvey Weinstein, killed his career by pimping out young Hollywood starlets. Welcome to the culture we have created and wallow in.  We have the feminazis to blame for our messed up culture.  They put the silly notion in women's heads to be somebody.  Women needed to leave their kitchens, drop the kids off at daycare, and be successful just like any man. What the feminazis didn't tell women is they aren't like men and there are plenty of old and decrepit perverts waiting to take advantage of them.  As young women with stars in their eyes, they didn't know what a casting couch was nor did they understand that being a pin up girl meant a dead end career in the porn industry. Thanks to the feminazis sending their daughters out into the world unprepared, it was inevitable old per...