We don't need more trees

My opponent, Zantac, and a lot of his supporters have been making fun of me 'cause I said there are too many trees and we don't need to be spending millions of dollars to plant more trees.  I stand by my statement.

"Go green" is a convenient slogan.  It tells the voter they are fixing the environment and fixing global warming.  No one is against the environment or fixing global warming...if that is even a thing.  

Here's the thing.  Look at all our trees.  Georgia has the cleanest air in the world.  More trees won't make it cleaner.

What a lot of people don't know is "go green" is code words for rich people to invest their money in tax saving schemes that make their bank accounts grow greener.  

The sun is getting hotter.  No amount of going green is going to lower the sun's temperature.  But you can bet those rich people's bank accounts will get a lot greener over the feel good movement...and lie...that we are doing something good.

Look at all those trees.  They've
taken over the main road and
people have to walk to work now.

No amount of new trees can make the air cleaner.  Other countries like China or treeless countries like Southern California and Arizona send their dirty air to Georgia for our trees to clean.  Our clean air goes to those countries for them to get it dirty again.  Georgia is in a permanent wash cycle of cleaning everybody's air and we're not even getting paid for the job.

Look, we're never going to slow down or reverse global warming.  The sun is just too hot.  Even if we had a fleet of fire space craft out there to soak the sun with water, we would have a negligible effect on cooling it down and making it cooler on Earth.  So we have to adapt to the warmer temperatures or sweat.

If we really want to feel good about doing something for the environment, we should give incentives for people to eat more chicken and turkey.  If people ate less beef and pork, there'd be a lot less farting on our farms.  Chickens and turkeys are smaller animals and don't fart nearly as much as those other farm animals.  Less farting translates to cleaner, nicer smelling air.  

With less cows and pigs farting all over the world, our trees won't have to work so hard cleaning everyone else's dirty air.  We could cut down more trees to build affordable housing for our poor folk.  By cutting down the trees to build affordable housing, maybe we all can enjoy the forest scenery without so many trees in the way of our view.

I'm Hershie Fulcker and I approve this message.


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Hershie Fulcker: There's too many trees man