One Drunk Redneck 2024

Who knows how to fix the country?
The Shadow knows

In his usual nonchalant way, One Drunk Redneck announced the formation of an exploratory committee to determine the feasibility of a 2024 presidential run.

"Right now the committee is just me and my dog," One remarked.  (One, with the capital O, is Redneck's preferred pronoun.)  "I don't need to waste money on a whole team of people making the decision for me."

Redneck (One's last name) claims running for president is an easy move.  According to the rules, anyone who announces an election committee and raises $5,000 can earn a spot on the election ballot...after getting so many petition signatures and/or paying a fee if they are not backed by a major party.

The rules are much more complicated than the way Redneck describes them, but One is not phased.

"Of course the rules are more complicated.  The $5,000 is a threshold for a candidate to be required to register with the IRS," One explained.  "As soon as anyone starts putting money in their pocket, you can bet the politicians have their hands in there stealing it.  No matter how many times you smack that hand, the other hand takes the rest of your money without you knowing it."

One knows his quest for the highest office in the land is a long shot.  The odds don't discourage him though.  One hopes by running, One'll force many important issues onto the public stage in place of the normal empty rhetoric, name calling, and one-upmanship snipes recent presidential elections have come to be known for.

"Look, no one pays attention to the little guy or gal.  The beggars pay attention to the big wallets and purses.  Then they throw loose change to the loud mouthed trolls demanding some kind of justice or right."  Drunk took a swig of One's beer.  

"You and me?  We're entertained by the reality programming the trolls, beggars, and big wallets and purses put on for us, but don't you think the price of the show has gotten a bit too high?  It's the same show year after year.  I bet you everything I own that come November 2024, a Democrat or Republican will win the presidency."

Redneck opened another beer.

"And let me tell you.  If the past couple of elections are any indication, regardless of who wins, the winner will be an idiot.  Our government is filled with idiots and we keep putting the idiots in office.  Given that election history, I'm more than qualified to be President.  Elect me and I'll put a beer on every table.  The little guy and gal needs to be heard and rewarded, not silenced and punished."

Redneck may have a point.  Past notable third party and independent candidates include Ross Perot, Ralph Nader, John B. Anderson, and George Wallace.  While none of them won the election, they had a big impact, not only on the outcome of the election, but also on the issues they forced into the limelight.

"You know, if you ever sit quietly next to a pond, you might see a mosquito buzzing slightly above the water.  Ever so gently, she'll dip her abdomen in the water to lay her eggs, creating the slightest of ripples that you'll miss if you aren't watching closely."  

Redneck killed another bottle of beer and cleared One's throat.  

"But keep watching as the creatures in the pond are watching the mosquito.  That slightest ripple gets their attention.  They rush to the source of the ripple and enjoy a breakfast of eggs.  And if the mosquito isn't careful enough, she'll get the attention of a bluegill, who will surge from below, scooping up the eggs as he or she breaks the surface of the water to gobble up the mosquito as dessert.  So, yes, the little guy or gal can make a difference."

Grabbing another beer, Redneck gazed at the sky as he opened the bottle and took a swig.  One wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.  

"Well, that wasn't so good of a story.  I got swallowed by a big fish."

Issues According to One Drunk Redneck

Find the latest on the campaign trail here

Stay tuned for the latest updates on One Drunk Redneck's campaign trail

Change is a-comin'	The right to be left alone	Interview with One Drunk Redneck
We need medical rights	TBA	TBA
November 2024	Write In	ONE DRUNK REDNECK

 

 

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