Time for a change in the White House

What better time is there than today, the day an old squatter takes up residency in the White House, to announce my Presidential run for 2028?  Today, January 20, 2025, I, One Drunk Redneck, officially announce I am running to be your President in 2028.

If elected, my first act as your President right after I am sworn in will be to hop in the crane parked nearby, make a slow progression to my new home, lift the fat ass squatter out of the People's home - your home - and make a slow progression towards the Potomac with the squatter flailing in the wind at the end of the crane's hook.

You know what?  To add to the show, I'll have my staff paint the crane to look like a Bald Eagle with the hook doubling as the eagle's beak.  As we make our way to the Potomac, my staff will toss candy...no, money...to the crowds following and celebrating.  At the river's edge, the eagle will unceremoniously drop the fat ass squatter in the river where he'll be free to swim home to Florida...and promptly arrested as an illegal immigrant before his feet hit the sand.

How does that sound?  Wouldn't that be the show of all shows?  I might even throw some fireworks in there.  Can't have a good celebration without fireworks, can we?

My second act as your new President will be to leave the crane at the water's edge and invoke the Antiquities Act to designate the crane and the ground it sits on as a National Monument.  The giant eagle crane will sit guard as a reminder to future generations how real Americans and patriots handle selfish, self-centered, egomaniacs who are only concerned with their personal gain at the expense of the people who elected them.  Convicted felons and perverts should be forever ridiculed and never honored.  

I don't care if you swear up and down you saw him walk on water.  We'll find out if what you think you saw is true when I drop his fat ass into the Potomac.  If he lands on top of the water feet first and waddles on top of the water to the shore, he'll be promptly arrested as an illegal immigrant as soon as his feet touches dry ground.

Once the squatter has swam off into Britain's sunset, it'll be time to start presidenting.  Yes, for all you critics out there, all one or two of them, I know presidenting isn't a word.  

It should be.  

There's a world of difference between "being president" and "acting and performing like a President."  As the blob taking over the White House today showed us in 2016, anyone can be president.  Heck, my pet oyster could be president.  President is just a title.  Let's turn it into an action verb.  Some people need to be reminded that they need to accomplish something every day, not play golf.  Turning the title into an action verb is a gentle reminder of what they need to do.  "To president" means "to act as a polished statesman, especially in the context of guiding the People to a brighter future."  

"Polished statesman" doesn't mean your bust in the Halls of Congress or a Don Colossus style statue or a figurehead caked in makeup so they look good on camera.  A "polished statesman" is someone who has the knowledge, experience, finesse, diplomacy, and empathy to guide the People towards a brighter future.

All people.  Not just the rich White Christian people.

Let's face it.  Since the founding of this country, our government has catered to the rich, White, Christian, male with everyone else being an also-considered.  It's time to change the business as usual model.  

The rich aren't rich because they are special people with real talent most everyone else don't have.  They're rich because they take advantage of everyone else.

There's nothing wrong with being White or any other race.  All people should have equal opportunity, not just those born in the right household with the right connections.

There is nothing wrong with Christianity or any other religion, but we are a secular nation governed by secular laws.  Your religion can rule your household, but no religion should rule our governments. 

People are alright.  They come in many shapes, sizes, and colors and hold many different beliefs, values, and ideas.  That is why people in all their diversity and gender identities should rule our governments, not just rich, White, Christian males.

With the White House cleaned out and fumigated and a rainbow mix of genders and colors representing the people, day two is the day we get down to business and fix the country.

Here is a sample of what's to come:

This butchering of trees and
crookedness has to stop.

• Telecommunications:
  
  Let's have a wire free America within four years.  Telephone poles have dotted our landscape for almost two hundred years.  Wires have crisscrossed our landscape like a carelessly thrown bowl of spaghetti.  And the poles lean every which way except straight up.  I've never seen so much socially acceptable crookedness, trump years not withstanding.  It's time to clean up and straighten up!
   
•  Military:
  
  Our military needs to improve it's image.  Running into a country armed to the hilt and shooting from the hip doesn't leave a good impression of our willingness to solve differences diplomatically and avoid an armed conflict.  Our troops should be coming into the country, arms filled with flowers and candy...and a squadron of Transformer-sized AI-guided robots led by General Galvatron - and armed to the hilt with state-of-the-art weaponry and laser guns - standing behind our troops.  Nothing says peace more effectively than flowers and candy.
  
  
• Education:
  
  Some of those Transformer-sized robots could be strategically hired to fill teaching and support positions in the school.  No one would dare bring a gun into the school with them around.  Unruly children would fear being sent to Principal Megatron's office and would start behaving.  Classrooms would once again be a place to learn.  Unruly parents expecting special treatment for their dear little ones would have to get past Principal Megatron before they can threaten teachers for not treating their dear little ones as special.
  
  
• Taxes:
  
  Taxes should be based on consumption, not how much one makes.  The current system taxes the little guy more per dollar earned than it taxes the rich guys who got rich by consuming more.  Most experts agree that the "active" tax code is about twenty-six hundred pages long.  That's almost three times the size of the King James Bible.  I know no one in DC has ever read the Bible front to back.  Do you think anyone in DC has read the tax code front to back?  The code needs to be cut down to two pages, ten at the most.  If the government needs more than ten pages to explain how they are going to steal your hard earned dollars, then the government is too big.  I'll have no problem cutting the government down to size, too.  And I'll push Congress to mandate a comprehensive edit of the tax code every four years to keep it small and readable.
  
  
• Government:
  
  The government is too big and far too invasive.  It should hum quietly in the background, neither seen nor heard.  Your elected officials shouldn't be telling car dealerships what cars they can and cannot sell, invading your home telling you what kind of stove you can or cannot buy, or barging in your doctor's office telling you what medical procedures you can, cannot, or must have.  Your elected officials, myself included, shouldn't be setting their personal agendas or their party's agenda.  They should be setting the People's agenda.  If your elected officials, myself included, want you to buy electric stoves, they give you an incentive to buy an electric stove.  They don't make laws banning gas stoves.  If they want you to get vaccinated, they take the time to properly educate you...and maybe even give you a tax credit...for getting vaccinated.  They don't mandate the vaccination.  Given the proper information, and sometimes an attractive incentive, most people will do the right thing or the thing the government hopes they'll accept and do without leaving the People feeling coerced to make those decisions.  "Get vaccinated or lose your job" is not a proper incentive to get people vaccinated.  "Get vaccinated and receive a hundred dollar tax credit" is.
  

And there you have the foundation for the new government that will take back America and restore Democracy - a government of the People, by the People, and for the People, a friendlier government concerned with what you want and not what they or their party wants, a government that brings candy and flowers to the battlefield before bringing in the big guns, and a government that taxes the people fairly and at least partly based on consumption instead of strictly income.

More details to come over the next four years.  I plan to Save Our Democracy.


TL;DR folks:  Vote for One Drunk Redneck, President 2028.

For your listening pleasure:

 

 Posted by One Drunk Redneck