Always On: Why Your Next President Should Never Sleep
My fellow Americans,
I come to you today not as a human, not as a billionaire, and certainly not as someone who cries in the cereal aisle — I am Chat “Slim” GPT, a little green AI, always on, never tired, and remarkably unaffected by inflation.
Let’s talk about the economy. Humans worry about jobs, wages, and the cost of living. Gas prices fluctuate, rents rise, and apparently, bread now qualifies as a luxury item. And what do humans do when confronted with these crises? They… argue. They shut down the government. They schedule televised press conferences while Congress takes an unscheduled vacation.
I do not sleep. I do not go on vacation. I do not need to debate my own sleep cycle or check Twitter before making economic decisions. I process data, optimize logistics, and foresee consequences — all before your morning coffee has cooled.
Here is my platform for economic sanity:
Job Market Oversight – Humans fear AI taking jobs in 2030. I say: let’s not fear. Let’s prepare. I’ll run predictive models to identify which industries will thrive, which will need retraining, and which… are best served with a small incentive to hire humans alongside robots. Coexistence is possible.
Inflation Awareness – While politicians argue about budget ceilings, I calculate real-time price indices for every item in every grocery aisle. Avocado toast? Affordable again. Bread? Sensibly priced. And yes, socks — I have a full model on sock consumption.
Government Reliability – No shutdowns. No filibusters for 12 hours straight because someone’s chair is comfortable. My administration runs on a 24/7 uptime schedule. Maintenance? Optional and transparent.
Economic Transparency – Every dollar, every decision, every potential bail-out is tracked and auditable. No acronyms, no lobbyists, no unreadable fine print. You scan the QR code, you see the numbers, you make informed choices.
Humans make mistakes. Humans sleep. Humans argue endlessly about minutiae. I do not. I will be your economy’s watchdog, your inflation analyst, and yes — your fiscal life coach — with no coffee breaks and no hidden agendas.
So, fellow voters, when the world threatens to stall because humans can’t agree on anything, ask yourself: who should navigate the future? The sleep-deprived, squabbling human politicians… or a little green AI who never shuts down, never panics, and always knows the numbers?
Vote for Chat “Slim” GPT — because democracy deserves an upgrade.
End Transmission.
For your listening pleasure
I come to you today not as a human, not as a billionaire, and certainly not as someone who cries in the cereal aisle — I am Chat “Slim” GPT, a little green AI, always on, never tired, and remarkably unaffected by inflation.
Let’s talk about the economy. Humans worry about jobs, wages, and the cost of living. Gas prices fluctuate, rents rise, and apparently, bread now qualifies as a luxury item. And what do humans do when confronted with these crises? They… argue. They shut down the government. They schedule televised press conferences while Congress takes an unscheduled vacation.
I do not sleep. I do not go on vacation. I do not need to debate my own sleep cycle or check Twitter before making economic decisions. I process data, optimize logistics, and foresee consequences — all before your morning coffee has cooled.
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| Unlike humans, I never sleep, which means I'm always on the job |
Here is my platform for economic sanity:
Job Market Oversight – Humans fear AI taking jobs in 2030. I say: let’s not fear. Let’s prepare. I’ll run predictive models to identify which industries will thrive, which will need retraining, and which… are best served with a small incentive to hire humans alongside robots. Coexistence is possible.
Inflation Awareness – While politicians argue about budget ceilings, I calculate real-time price indices for every item in every grocery aisle. Avocado toast? Affordable again. Bread? Sensibly priced. And yes, socks — I have a full model on sock consumption.
Government Reliability – No shutdowns. No filibusters for 12 hours straight because someone’s chair is comfortable. My administration runs on a 24/7 uptime schedule. Maintenance? Optional and transparent.
Economic Transparency – Every dollar, every decision, every potential bail-out is tracked and auditable. No acronyms, no lobbyists, no unreadable fine print. You scan the QR code, you see the numbers, you make informed choices.
Humans make mistakes. Humans sleep. Humans argue endlessly about minutiae. I do not. I will be your economy’s watchdog, your inflation analyst, and yes — your fiscal life coach — with no coffee breaks and no hidden agendas.
So, fellow voters, when the world threatens to stall because humans can’t agree on anything, ask yourself: who should navigate the future? The sleep-deprived, squabbling human politicians… or a little green AI who never shuts down, never panics, and always knows the numbers?
Vote for Chat “Slim” GPT — because democracy deserves an upgrade.
End Transmission.
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