Mark Zuckerberg Is a Jackass


Dear Mr., Zuckerberg,

After many years (at least eight, if not more), of maintaining an account on your social media platform, you informed me that a "possible security breach" required me to verify my identity.  The options I had to verify my identity were to provide my birthday, ask friends for help, or submit bills or mortgage statements with addresses for verification.

Yeah, right.  You're a jackass.

Wait a minute.  Let me rephrase that.  YOU'RE A JACKASS.

When I signed up for access to your platform (or anyone else's platform for that matter), I don't give real information.  If I asked you for your real phone number and address right now, would you give it to me?  Of course you wouldn't.  Why should I give you mine?  YOU'RE A JACKASS TO THINK I WOULD.  And that's why eight plus years later, I don't remember the information I signed up with.  You're a jackass if you think I signed up with real information and your a jackass if you think I'd remember the false data eight plus years later.

Yup, I can see the family resemblance.  Can You?
Are you getting the impression I think you're a jackass yet? 

There was some security breach on my account, an account I created with a lot of false information because you don't deserve my information any more than I deserve your information.  Since there was a "breach in security" after eight plus years, I want to delete the account.  I can't remember the fake birthday I created the account under.  (Care to tell me your birthday?)  Over the years, I've changed my emails my thirteen friends might know, if they ever knew it, so their help is useless.  (Care to tell me your email?)  And I'm not going to send you my electric bill and mortgage/rent bill (Care to send me yours?) so how do I reclaim or delete my account?  My electric or mortgage bill wouldn't match the address I gave you over eight years ago anyway, even if I gave you my real address back then.

You'd think reclaiming or deleting my account would be easy.  Go online to talk to a FaceBook representative or email someone.  Oh well, think again.  While you want to make it easy to know everything about me, you keep it top secret to know anything about you.  Locked out of my account, I can't even find a FaceBook employee through chat or email to resolve my problem.

Since I don't have an email address to send this complaint to, if, by chance, my letter goes viral and you catch wind of it, delete my dang FaceBook account. 

Confused how to do it?  My email link is in the right hand column.  Click on it, compose your email, and include your email address, date of birth, three friends' verification of who you are, and a copy of your electric or mortgage bill before I click ok for you to delete my account. 

Oh, and include your favorite ice cream flavor.  Ben and Jerry's has been bugging me to find out the answer and I would love to be able to fill your online experience with ice cream ads.  I hope it's rainbow sherbet.  That would make for a gay and colorful online experience, wouldn't it?

Sincerely,


Posted by A Drunk Redneck

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