Poopy Pants, the Child Molester

Editor's note: Adam Wolf, a comedian in Texas, had been persistent in bringing this story to light...and he was making no jokes about it.  After a few comments of his, I decided to dig into his claims to see if what he was saying were true.  Adam was much too kind in his remarks.  Poopy Pants, the child molester is a real monster.

Ok, admit it.  You have a list of entertainers and public figures that you refuse to let in your home.  No, I don't mean personally.  I mean nothing they have ever endorsed or produced comes in your home and if they happen to sneak in through the radio or TV, you immediately change channels.  For you, something they said or did was so far over the line that you don't want to financially reward them nor want your friends and family to think you have no problem with their public antics.

I've been around for a few decades and I have a two such public figures on my list.

In spot number two sits Linda Ronstadt.  In 1983, the Naval Academy graduating class invited her to perform at the graduation ceremonies.  She turned them down in her usual outspoken manner by stating that she would not play for a bunch of baby killers.  As a veteran, I figure if our military men and women aren't good enough for her to give a performance, then my money isn't good enough to support her "artistic endeavors."  To this day, I have no idea how successful she was as a singer and what she is doing now nor do I care.  The once in a blue moon I hear her on the oldies station, I simply switch stations.  Sometimes it's months before I listen to that station again.

Oh, it's so lovely here...until those mean
old Americans showed up, huh?

In spot number one sits Jane Fonda.  Over the last forty-seven years she's had the opportunity to give a heartfelt apology to the men and women of our military, both then and now.  The only thing she appears to genuinely regret is that damning photo that continues to float around, ensuring no one forgets her traitorous behavior in Hanoi.  Other than that regret, she makes no apologies for her actions in 1968.  She simply wishes that photo would go away so people can forget.

Enough said.  It pains me to type these two names even to tell a story.

Thirty-two years have passed since I last added a name to my banned list.  I have to add a third name - Poopy Pants, the Child Molester.  You may know him as Ted Nugent.

During the Vietnam War era, probably around the time Jane Fonda posed on the enemy's anti-aircraft battery, Nugent played the game many young men at the time played - dodge draft.

Back in 1977, Nugent boasted in an interview with High Times magazine (a magazine devoted to the legalization of marijuana) that to get out of the draft, he pooped his pants for days.  The night before his physical, he took some crystal meth and showed up caked in poop and urine.  To quote him, "I got this big, juicy 4f." 

Thirty years later, he denied his story.  He claimed he was giving the reporters at High Times the story they wanted.  In reality, so Nugent claims, he went to Oakland Community College and got a student deferment.  Problem is, the records don't back his claim up.

The High Times interview is not the only time he related the story of poor hygiene and drug use to get out of the draft.  A month earlier, he told reporters of Creem magazine a similar story.  Thirteen years later, he told reporters of the Detroit Free Press another similar version of the 1977 versions. 

Thankfully, the military keeps very good records.  Surely they could shed some light on Nugent's deferment status.  They do.

• Feb 1967 - 1S deferment [Student deferred by statute (High School)]  The deferment was rescinded when he turned 19 in December of the same year.  His extended stay in high school explains a lot, but that would be another article.
• Feb 1968 - 2S deferment [Registrant deferred because of activity in study]  Nugent must've graduated high school in Dec 1967 at 19-years-old and then enrolled in the community college.  This deferment was rescinded a year later (Feb 1969) probably because he was no longer in college.
• Oct 1969 - 1Y deferment [Registrant available for military service, but qualified for military only in the event of war or national emergency]  This deferment was reserved for those who exhibited medical conditions that were limiting, but not disabling.  This deferment classification was discontinued in Dec 1971.
• Dec 1972 - a year after the government scrapped the 1Y deferment, Nugent was re-classified as 4F [Registrant not qualified for any military service]  This deferment is better known as "unfit to serve" and can be given to those who fall short on physical, mental, or moral standards. 

Unfortunately, the records are unclear of what transpired between Dec 1971 and Dec 1972.  Oddly, while Nugent was classified 4F in Dec 1972, that same month saw the last draftees inducted into the military.  What can't be denied, though, is Nugent received a 1Y deferment when his student deferments ended, which means there was something wrong with him (by military standards) either physically or mentally.

"Well, heck," you might be thinking, "If you add people to your banned list because they dodged the draft, your list should fill a book."

Fortunately I'm more complex than to think in terms of if A, then B.  Draft dodgers abound.  Heck, I voted for one...not once, but twice.  And then there's Joe Biden.  He claims his 1Y classification resulted from his asthma as a teenager.  And then there's pot smoking Clinton.  But he didn't inhale. 

Point is, deferments abounded ranging from education to family hardships to physical ailments to mental issues.  Not everyone who received a deferment was a draft dodger.  The draft dodger is the one who sought to get a deferment solely to avoid being drafted.  Nugent appears to fit this bill.

Considering it took Nugent until he was 19-years-old to graduate high school, it's easy to dismiss his youthful indiscretions.  He grew up in the middle of a cultural revolution and, as we Drunk Rednecks are fond of saying, "It was what it was."

But....

Yup, always the but and the but in this instance should be BUT.

Having successfully dodged the draft, he went on to become a big rock star...and a child molester.  By his own admission in a 1998 VH1 interview, he is addicted to young girls. 

So I hunt kittens instead of cougars...
What's the big deal?

When he was 30-years-old, Nugent wanted a 17-year-old Hawaiian girl, Pele Massa.  Somehow, he conned her mother into giving him guardianship over Pele.  We can only guess why he wanted guardianship, but Nugent implies that he wanted their relationship to appear to be legal.  Besides, as he stated to VH1, Pele would be better off with him than some drug addicted, high school dropout.

A star struck seventeen fan too close to eighteen for you to throw a charge of child molester at Nugent? 

How about twelve?  Courtney Love levied the claim on the Howard Stern show in 2012 that she didn't even have breasts yet when she performed oral sex on Nugent.  She stated, after some prying, she was only twelve and a half. 

Nugent claimed in his interview that he needed a crow bar to pry all the young girls off of him.  I reckon he didn't have a crow bar handy when Courtney showed up and forced herself on him.  (Yes, please note the sarcasm there.)  If her story is true, that means Nugent was 32-years-old and Pele nineteen.  Reckon Pele was too old for Nugent so he opted for more jailbait.

Nugent denies Love's allegation by stating he "doesn't recall the incident."  What is worth noting is that whether or not Love's allegations are true, Nugent didn't respond in a manner most normal men would.  While plenty of girls sixteen or seventeen could easily pass for twenty-something, there is no mistaking a twelve-year-old, who hasn't even begun to sexually develop, as being any age other than a child.  Instead of being incensed at the allegation that maybe he had sex with a child, he simply stated that he "didn't recall" it. 

Ironically, that same year Courtney allegedly pleasured Nugent, Nugent wrote what could possibly be called an autobiographical account of the incidence.  His song, Jailbait, talks about having sex with a 13-year-old.

Well I don't care if you're just thirteen

You look too good to be true

I just know that you're probably clean
There's one lil' thing I got do to you 

Jailbait you look so good to me

Jailbait won't you set me free

Jailbait you look fine fine fine

I know I've got to have you in a matter of time 

He ends the song in true pedophile fashion.  There's nothing wrong with a 32-year-old man going after a 13-year-old girl so the handcuffs should be on the child so she can be "shared"... that is raped.

Honey you you you look so nice

She's young she's tender

Won't you please surrender

She's so fine she's mine

All the time, all mine mine

Its all right baby

Its quite all right I asked your mama

Wait a minute officer

Don't put those handcuffs on me

Put them on her and I'll share her with you

I'm from the old school where we were taught right from wrong and what our civic duties and social responsibilities are.  I also learned through the decades that you can't be any better than those with whom you associate.  When I add up everything about Ted Nugent, he is not someone I would want to know - much less be around - in real life.  

You know, I never thought someone would come along and dethrone Jane Fonda from the top of my banned list.  But then I never imagined someone like Poopy Pants, the Child Molester would come along.   

I regret contributing ninety-nine cents to purchase the one song he did that I liked, but you can rest assured that song will never be played in my house again.  I'll never buy Guitar Hero nor a Rock's Greatest Hits compilation if a Nugent song is included.  If my classic rock station plays a Nugent song, I'll never listen to the station again. 

I simply don't believe in supporting child molesters in any shape or form. 

 

TL;DR folks:

Ted Nugent may run around the country talking guns, patriotism, and family values, but all evidence points to him being a draft dodging child molester.  That makes him, at best, a hypocrite and, at worst, a monster.  Some people simply don't deserve wealth and fame.  Child molesters deserve nothing.  Ted Nugent, aka Poopy Pants, the Child Molester deserves even less than nothing.

 

For your listening pleasure - the 1998 VH1 interview with Ted Nugent:

Posted by Five Drunk Rednecks