Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Foreigners seized our radio station

When Matt and Crank first aired their particularly offensive show on Aug 19, 2010, there was no doubt in my mind the foreigners needed to go.  Sure, they claimed to be American, but both were from the other side of The Bay and didn't belong here.  They were rude, infantile hypocrites and quite simply weren't worthy enough to slum around with the microbes devouring the abundant chicken manure on the Shore.  Thank God Matt Walsh is long gone from the Delmarva scene.  Wherever that man walks, fungal and mold destruction is bound to flourish. 
Crank finally left last year, but who has filled his shoes on the morning show of WZBH is worse than Crank.  Billy Madison of The Billy Madison Show hasn't stepped foot on Delmarva and it's doubtful he could even find Delmarva on a map.  Thank God because if Matt Walsh left fungal and mold destruction, Billy Madison will leave a viral infection sure to kill every living thing on Delmarva. 

Ok, I have to back up here some so you can see how the foreigners have invaded Delmarva and stole our jobs.

Great Scott Broadcasting owned our rock station and they were a local family.  They sold their holdings to Adams Radio Group, a company from that foreign country of Minnesota.

For the benefit of the readers who aren't familiar with the geographic region referred to as Delmarva, a little explanation may be in order.  The born and raised native Eastern Shoremen consider Delmarva to be the area east of the Chesapeake Bay and south of the Chesapeake and Delaware (C&D) Canal.  Anyone on the other side of The Bay or north of the C&D Canal are, quite simply, foreigners.

So now we have some company out of Minnesota running our rock station because, well, you know, a Minnesotan knows what we on Delmarva want.  What they decided we want is a morning show out of San Antonio Texas.  That makes sense, I reckon.  We're all rednecks on Delmarva and rednecks are like Jeff Foxworthy describes and Duck Dynasty portrays, so a show out of Texas should appeal to us.

Good God, bring back Crank.  Never thought I'd say that, but at least he was only a year or two from being claimed as an Eastern Shoremen that we would have to accept whether we like him or not. 

Ok, for the benefit of readers not familiar with Delmarva, anyone who moves to Delmarva is an unaccepted foreigner until they have lived here for ten years.  Once you have lived here for ten years, you're accepted with the asterisk that you weren't born and raised here.

Billy Madison will never be accepted here because he lives in San Antonio, TX airing his show from the San Antonio radio station of KissRocks.  I have to ask the execs at Adams Radio Group: what the Hell kind of connection can a man in San Antonio make with the people of Delmarva?

I did listen to Billy Madison's show a couple of times and the best I can tell is he's a Howard Stern wannabe at least on his Friday shows and nothing memorable other than gibberish during the week. 

So let's dig a little deeper and see how this Billy Madison's voice ended up on Delmarva.

Billy Madison moved from his radio job in Tulsa, OK a couple of years ago to take over the opening for the morning show on KISS 99.5 in San Antonio.  What's interesting is KISS 99.5 was originally owned by Adams Radio Group back in the 1990's when they were called Adams Broadcasting.

Adams Radio Group makes it clear they never intended to abandon radio and have, over the last ten or fifteen years, begun rebuilding their radio past.  They don't own KISS 99.5 in San Antonio today, but Billy Madison is a native Minnesotan.  Connecting the dots makes one wonder....

The morning show on WZBH could have been given to real, local talent.  Instead, we get Texas talent geared towards attracting young male listeners because, well, young male listeners spend money.  There's something creepy about near-forty-year-old men trying to appeal to adolescent and college-age boys. 

"Daddy, what do you do for a living?"
Moms, this is the team of perverts
going after your sons and their money

"I get boys excited so they'll spend more money with my advertisers."

That's just wrong on so many levels. 

With the phone number, 1-855-FU-BILLY, you can pretty much figure out what the level of entertainment will be.  I'm almost tempted to call just to find out if Billy and crew can find Delmarva on a map.  I can imagine the conversation now.

"Hi, you're live on The Billy Madison Show."

"Yes, this is a listener on Delmarva.  Can you find Delmarva on a map?"

"Is it east or west of the Mississippi?"


"Whoa, that's a tough one.  Sounds Spanish so I'd have expected it in the southwest.  Can you give me a clue?"

"Sure.  The name describes three states."

"Hold on while I consult my experts."

[phone dials]

"Good morning.  Adams Radio Group.  How may I direct your call."

"This is Billy Madison down here in Texas.  I got a listener on the phone and I don't have an answer to his question.  Is the Head Honcho of the Questions Answered Department available?"

"Hold please."

[line transfers]

"Questions Answered Department, the Big Cheese speaking."

"Cool, man.  We went above the Head Honcho and got the Big Cheese.  Hey, hey, hey!  Can you find Delmarva on a map?"

"Is that a foreign country or something?"

"No, it's a place describing three states."

"Damn.  We have a state that begins with a 'D'?"

[phone hangs up]

"Dude, you still on the line?"

" can you find Delmarva on the map?"

"The Big Cheese in Minnesota says we don't even have a state that begins with a 'D'.  Nice try pulling my leg.  C'mon down to San Antonio.  I got something else for you to pull."
Did I say perverts?  Live, on air acting
sponsored by Adult Megaplex
Sorry, Head Honcho and Big Cheese up there in Minnesota, but you blew it on Delmarva. Sure, most of our local talent are at their real jobs on the water fishing or in the fields plowing, but there's no way you'll convince me you did your market research and found a show out of Texas is what Delmarva needed and wanted.

Not that we're keeping score, but you bought a station that has outsourced its morning show to two guys in Indiana, the evening hours to a guy in Arizona, and now the morning show at our only rock station, WZBH, to a team of guys in Texas.

At the rate the two stations are going, maybe our flippant prediction over a year ago will come true.  The entire station, and probably the sister station, will be run remotely by machines. 

I said it earlier in the article and I'll end the article with this thought: if you really can't find local talent to fill the hours of your on air time, bring back Crank.  He was close enough to that ten year mark of being an accepted Delmarvan even if he never did apologize for that particularly offensive show on Aug 19, 2010. 

Besides, all us working stiffs miss him as we take the subway to work.  (That should mess with Big Cheese, Head Honcho, and maybe Billy Madison's heads for awhile.)

Related Links:
The thieves returned Jason Lee
Who stole Jason Lee's job?

For your nostalgic pleasure or BRING HIM BACK!

Posted by Five Drunk Rednecks

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