Because DC has to go
DC is great for comics; bad for government.
The comics can stay; DC has got to go.
Here's how it goes. Our Founding Fathers were so confident of the system of government they built, they filled in some swampland between Maryland and Virginia, built a few building on top of the swamp, handed Washington the Constitution, and said, "Here. Let's see what you can do. Make this piece of paper work, and we'll invite you and Congress back to Philadelphia."
Almost two hundred fifty years later, the politicians are still in DC and for good reason. They haven't made the Constitution work. If anything, they have relegated it to the status of being another roll of toilet paper to use in emergencies. Swamp rats thrive in swamplands, even ones that have been filled in with dirt.
"...that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom—and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth."
Lincoln immortalized the definition of a democracy when he delivered the Gettysburg Address during our Civil War, a divide that threatened to end The Great Experiment in Democracy. Democracy has prevailed then and still prevails, mostly intact, almost 250 years after the Great Experiment began in 1776.
Time to propel DC into the twenty first century and beyond.
While hashing out the details of our Constitution, our Founding Fathers, and the leaders of our thirteen colonies, were divided on how we would select a president. One side wanted Congress to appoint the President under the rationalization that the common people weren't smart enough to select a competent President. The other side thought a true democracy couldn't exist unless the people elected the President by majority vote. A compromise was reached that gave the vote to the people and an electoral college to elect the president. Usually, the electoral college followed the will of the people, but it failed five times. History will record 2016 as the failure of failures.
The electoral college gave us something else no one saw coming and we don't need - the two party system. As long as anybody alive today can remember, the two party system gave us Evil and Lesser Evil to choose from every four years.
My Mama taught me I should never jump into something new like a bull in a china shop.
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| I don't know which is which, Tommy. I don't think anyone ever knew. |
"Then I don't have to wash and dry them. I just sweep them up, throw the broken pieces out, and then I have room for something new."
My Mom promptly sent me to her version of prison for wayward youth - my room.
"And clean your room while you think about why you don't sass your Mother!" she yelled as I headed to my room.
Like any good son, I stormed into my room, kicked a pile of clothes under the bed, plopped on the bed, popped some headphones on, jacked up the volume on my favorite Pink Floyd album, and fell asleep dreaming how I would some day stop the pigs from ruling and destroying the world.
My Mom was right, though. I won't crash into the job like a bull in a china shop. I will casually walk in, white gloves on, and start replacing the china piece by piece with new infrastructure before relegating the archaic elephant and donkey to the dusty basement of the Smithsonian.
When I get every state set up for national online voting, campaigning will start the day after inauguration in the 2032 election because, you know, you can never have too much campaigning. (Please feel free to vote for me in 2032, too.)
For two years, every state gets to pick a candidate from their state to run for president two years later. The day after the midterm election, the presidential candidates from each state will have two years to convince voters they should be the next president.
Initially, the candidates will drop like flies. Sixteen states (Alaska, Alabama, Arizona, Colorado, Idaho, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Montana, Nevada, Oregon, Rhode Island, South Dakota, Utah, Washington, and Wisconsin.) will probably be eliminated in the first six months. They haven't produced a president, yet. Actually, they haven't produced much of anything, yet. It's unlikely they ever will.
That'll leave us with thirty-four candidates until the mid terms. Half or more of those would be eliminated before the mid terms are held. That means in the two years until the presidential election, maybe voters will have about a dozen and a half candidates to choose from instead of just Evil and Lesser Evil.
If elected in 2028, I'll get to work on developing the Department of National Elections. Housed in the department will be a secure central super computer supported by a team of AI servers to ensure secure elections and instantaneous fact checking on all candidates. The age of reality TV style of campaigning will come to an end. And every voter will see the ridiculousness play out on their phones in real time as the AI fact checkers track and report every candidate's lies and deceit. Every candidate will be held to the higher standard of being an educated statesperson instead of a social media entertainer.
Oh, and the AI fact checkers will provide the sense of humor. Mimicking the greatest comedians of all time, live, on your phone, they'll deliver commentary on their fact checking in the style of a Saturday Night Live skit combined with the old Dean Martin style roast. It'll be a hoot and get everyone involved in the elections. Record numbers of involvement, in fact.
Vote for me, One Drunk Redneck, in 2028 and I'll make elections four years of family fun. I guarantee you won't stop laughing.
TL;DR folks:
Vote One Drunk Redneck, 2028
For your listening pleasure:
Posted by One Drunk Redneck
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