Not much time left to get hired as a writer for Dave Letterman, but here's one more try at an audition!
10.) He's not really retiring. He's pulling a Jay Leno
9.) Retirement is a cover story for his rendezvous with his mistress down in South America
8.) NJ Gov Chris Christie's aides started the rumor to punish Dave for his fat jokes
7.) Dave is joining a safari with Jack Hanna to trap that thing on top of Donald Trump's head
6.) His Presidential jokes just haven't been funny since Bush left office
5.) Regis Philbin needs a roommate in the nursing home
4.) CBS needs Dave's set to film an upcoming series starring Justin Bieber
3.) Dave is joining forces with the superheroes Oprah and Jay Leno to take over Prime Time
2.) Paul filed for divorce and Dave can't go on without him
1.) "I didn't tweet 'retirement'. I swear I tweeted 'refried beans'!"
Posted by Five Drunk Rednecks