Let's face it, there's nothing to being a heterosexual. You see one heterosexual, you've seen them all. But to be gay...now that's something special. The club is so exclusive, only 1-3% of the population earns the honor. Even by liberal estimates, only 10% of the population qualifies for membership.
Do You Want To Join The Ranks Of This Exclusive Club?
It's not as easy as it looks to become a member. People are born heterosexual. They're taught from infancy through adulthood what it means to be heterosexual. Date. Kiss. Marry. Have children. Being gay takes a special kind of person. First, you have to make a commitment to be different. Once you make that commitment, you have to fight your natural heterosexual urges. If you don't, your membership is immediately revoked. Once you've made the commitment and mastered your natural desires, the real challenge begins. You have to fight the heterosexuals' ignorance, prejudice, bigotry, and, yes, hatred. Remember, you're in an exclusive club and the people who can't make it show their jealousy with a vengeance. They'll be determined to make you fail...make you lose your membership.
I Can Teach You Everything You Need To Know!
|Two proud graduates of Transformation! - |
Will and Jack
From the first step of making the commitment to mastering your natural urges to step-by-step instructions on how to act gay. Do you really think Jack of Will and Grace fame was born gay? Nah. It took years of practice to perfect every nuance of being gay and my course, Transformation!, was instrumental in his transformation from straight to gay.
My clients normally pay $119.95 per lesson. I've taught Jack. Boy George. Elton John. Ellen DeGeneres. With just one lesson, I taught Eric McCormack to play his part convincingly enough to land the role opposite of Jack.
As an introductory offer, I can send you your first lesson for $19.95 plus shipping and handling. Subsequent courses can be yours for the low, low price of $49.95!
But you can have the first course at 85% off the regular price!
That's a hundred dollar savings!
Bold and Sugar
So What Do You Get For $19.95?
Your first lesson will teach you how to make the commitment to be gay and stick to it. Through motivational tapes and videos of famous homosexuals, you'll come to believe gay is the way. I'll also teach you how to suppress your natural urges to be heterosexual and, most importantly, how not to slip back into the straight life. You'll also have access to our online support group and chat room. And for the first month's lesson, I'll throw in a personal coach... for free! He/she will always be one phone call away if you ever feel like slipping into the murkiness of heterosexuality.
Money Back Guarantee!
What Can I Expect In Future Courses?
If you pass the first course, we'll step you through all that it takes to be
gay. We'll teach you how to walk and talk. We'll teach you the gay
slang. By course three, we'll start tuning your gaydar. We'll teach you
to appreciate real music like Streisand, Cher, and Celine. By course eight,
you'll have every show and Broadway tune memorized. By course
twelve, we'll have your gaydar fine-tuned and dressing will be second
nature. You can choose from the butch look to flashy dresses to leather.
We'll teach you it all.
You Must Act Now!
|Be part of the proud few. This official|
card could be yours after completing
our course, Transformation!
The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force (NGLTF) issues a limited number of gay membership cards per year. As a result, we can only offer this course to the first handful of applicants. Don't be left out! I'm so confidant you'll love this course that I'm going to make you an unbelievable offer. The last course teaches you all you need to know about the gay agenda. Before the NGLTF issues you a membership card, you must pass the National Gay Agenda Entrance Exam. The NGLTF charges $499.95 for applicants to take this test. If you do not pass this exam to be accepted as a homosexual, I'll cover the cost of the exam!
So act now while seats are still available!
President, National Organization of Homos Encouraging the Transformation of Resistant Oppressors of Society (NO HETROS)
Order Transformation! now and I'll send you a 8ft x 6ft all-weather, rainbow flag absolutely free. What better way to make the commitment than flying the rainbow colors proudly in your front yard? When ordering, simply use the code I'M GAY.
Posted by Five Drunk Rednecks